I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
