Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize