I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
