Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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