So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
