Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize