i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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