my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
