apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize