Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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