my soul wont recognize me after tonight
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
