Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
