you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
