I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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