Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
