Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
