Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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