my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
