I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize