I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
