If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
