So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
