Non-Jews are for practice
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
