I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
