I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
