there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
