you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Your penis caused this!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
