i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
