Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
