I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
