I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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