just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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