theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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