Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
