You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
