You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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