shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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