Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
