I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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