I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
