this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize