ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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