What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
