I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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