she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize