I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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