You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
