I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
