So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize