its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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