I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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