My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
whose parrot is this?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
