I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
