Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
