escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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