glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
