Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
they're like a gay fantastic four
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
