He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
