im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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