I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
