If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
