Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
