It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize