okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
