People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
