Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
