I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
