we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
