You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
