Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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