Banned from zoo.
Again?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
