I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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