How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
