My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
