I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
