He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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