How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
