i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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