I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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