Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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