i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
