dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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