i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
